Queen and His Pieces
by mewmewgodess
Summary: Christmas is about spending time with family and friends. Unfortunately, the Akatsuki don't have that. But that won't stop Tobi. An Akatsuki Chrstmas fluff piece. One-Shot.


**Queen and his Pieces**

Tobi was still wondering how on earth he'd succeeded in the main part of his plan. The Akatsuki members rarely got together and never did so in their physical forms. Somehow, with persuasion and blackmail, he'd managed to get all of them in one room. Sans Pein and Konan, because they didn't know about the entire thing. He knew they would get angry at him and call him a bad boy for doing something -what they would consider- pointless.

But Tobi knew that celebrating Christmas was incredibly important and that it was good emotionally for people to have the Christmas spirit around them for the short twenty-four hours that made the entirety of the well-known holiday. The joy of being with family and friends could overcome even the melancholy and anger that resided in the hearts of the Akatsuki members. Which was what Tobi wanted to do.

The men in the Akatsuki only knew each other by name. They only knew their partners abilities and some of the things they like and dislike, but there lacked something between them. Between the entire group in general. There was missing camaraderie. Friendship. Or simply the capacity to endure one another. Tobi was determined to change that.

So, at the end of November he began his quest to convince all of the members (sans Pein and Konan) to come to the abandoned hotel in Amegakure. It was the same hotel that all the members used when they were passing Ame and needed a place to sleep. It wasn't often, but it meant they all knew where it was, and that it was private to them only. Nobody else ever dared enter it.

Zetsu was easy to convince, seeing as he always did what he told him to do. Itachi and Kisame agreed to go after Madara had a little chat with Itachi. Sasori and Deidara were hard to negotiate with. Deidara refused entirely until Sasori told him there would be no harm in it and that he would look childish if he was the only one not going. Kakuzu and Hidan were almost impossible to even speak to about the idea. They only began to listen after Tobi threatened to tell Leader-sama about their night spent in an 'adult' place doing 'adult' things.

By mid-December things were looking brightly in his favour. The members would be at the hotel for December 25th, and the Leader and Konan would be elsewhere, so they told him. With two weeks left, he began the process of decorating the hotel's rec room.

Lights and garlands were twisted around railings, chairs, and hung off the roof throughout the room, with some mistletoes adorning the wires, and other flowers with shades of green or red were found in vases a little bit everywhere. A table was in a part of the room, with enough chairs around it to seat all of them, and a white table cloth over it to hide its original dark brown. And of course there was the tree in a corner of the room.

Tobi had placed tinsel on it, wrapped garlands and lights around it, and hung all forms of green, red, and Christmas ornaments off them. Small plastic icicles, angels, soldiers, bells, candy canes, bows, and ribbons. There was a star placed on the top of the tree, where it seemed to brighten up the room. A red blanket covered the base of the tree, where not a present stood. Tobi knew that their first Christmas together wouldn't be about presents. It would be about presence.

The morning of December 24th he spent his time preparing the meal. The turkey was in the oven, the stuffing was cooking, and the cranberry sauce was waiting in the fridge. A meat pie was in the works, as was a pumpkin pie and a sugar pie. Mashed potatoes, gravy, a salad, and a vegetable dish were waiting to be prepared. When the sun went down and the night was upon them, a couple of the members arrived.

None of them said anything to Tobi. They all went to a room and locked themselves there. Waiting for the next day to come and hoping that it would go by quickly. None of them were looking forward to the Christmas day spent together, and with Tobi as their host, they were dreading it. A couple more arrived during the night, and the last ones came in the morning.

Breakfast time flew by. None of the members leaving their rooms to get something to eat. They knew that if they left their room they would most likely not be able to return there. They would push off the 'gathering' for as long as they could. Although Tobi had expected nobody to come to breakfast, he was surprised that only an irritated blonde, a cursing jashinist, and a blue shark-man came down for lunch. He'd expected more.

Tobi greeted Deidara, Hidan, and Kisame cheerfully, but only the last bothered to say hello to him. All three of them prepared plates for themselves and their teammates and left the room, despite Tobi's protests. Once he found himself alone in the rec room again, he groaned. It wasn't quite going as he'd hoped it would go.

"Not going as you'd hoped?" Zetsu asked, appearing in the room before he could do anything else.

"No, but today isn't over yet. There's still time for a Christmas miracle."

"It'll take one hell of a miracle for this to work out. Damn right it will."

"But Zetsu-senpai! Christmas is the most magical holiday. Anything can happen today!" Tobi exclaimed in his overtly enthusiastic way.

Zetsu shook his head, knowing that while Madara was playing the part of Tobi he wouldn't be able to knock some sense into him, "I still don't understand why you are so adamant about doing this. They are strong enough on their own, they don't need each other."

Madara allowed himself to come forth once more through the illusion of Tobi so that he may give Zetsu the explanation he deserved, "We are planning a war, are we not? Look at war like a game of chess. There are the pawns, which are the nameless shinobi that fight for the goal of peace that no longer exists. And you have me, who's the strongest piece, the queen. But beside the king and queen pieces, there's the bishops, the rooks, and the knights. The Akatsuki members. And without these strong pieces, the war is lost."

"Those pieces fight alone."

"Do they really? You cannot checkmate an opponent if the king isn't surrounded by at least two of the strong pieces. The bishops, rooks, and knights need to be moved in a united front or else the game falls apart, and you are the one who loses in the end."

"I see your reasoning. But having them get along may be near impossible. Strong men have hard heads."

"Are you including me in that statement, Zetsu-senpai?" Madara asked, reverting back to his Tobi persona.

Zetsu only chuckled.

"Besides, even Tobi knows how people get lonely on Christmas! Tobi knows how sad it can be."

"Yes, sadness can't be pushed aside as easily as some would like."

"Merry Christmas, Zetsu."

"Merry Christmas, Tobi."

**OoOoO**

"Go away, un!"

"But it's almost time for dinner! Tobi spent all morning making food, and Tobi really wants Deidara-senpai and Sasori-senpai to come try some! Please?" He begged while he continued to knock on the door which lead to the two artists.

The door opened to show the ever-calm Sasori.

"Tobi, we aren't interested in your Christmas dinner. Go bother the others." He went to close the door, but Tobi put his foot in the crack to stop it from clicking shut.

"Please senpai? Tobi promises to be good! And you promised Tobi that you'd come!"

"We agreed to come to this hotel. We said nothing about celebrating this ridiculous holiday."

"...Please?" He tried again. Tobi had nothing to hold against them. Sasori did everything he was supposed to and never stepped out of line. This meant he forced the blonde to do the same thing. Finding blackmail against them was impossible.

Sasori sighed, "We're leaving after we eat."

"But Danna! I don't want to go down there, un." Deidara said from inside the room.

"We'll be there soon." Sasori assured him and closed the door behind himself as he began to get his teammate to stop being childish and to agree to have dinner with the rest of the members.

Tobi did a small victory dance before heading to the next room. When that door was opened, he was met with the piercing Sharingan glare.

"Itachi-senpai! It's almost time for dinner."

"Why must I do this?" Itachi whispered to him, making sure Kisame couldn't hear him.

"You have no choice." Madara's strict tone came through for only a moment, "Even you'll have fun Itachi-senpai, Tobi promises!"

Itachi had kept a hand on the doorknob, and it tightened until his knuckles turned white. Tobi -Madara- had never seen his glare so menacing before. If looks could kill. Tobi was glad they couldn't. The door was closed shut with a gentle click, and Tobi stared at it for a moment. Realizing that he'd won, he did another victory dance. Two down, one to go!

Only the 'Zombie Brothers' left, as Kisame liked to call them. From a great distance away from their room he could already hear them yelling. The only reason they continued to share a room was so that Kakuzu could watch the silver-haired idiot at all times. (Funnily enough, that was Sasori's excuse as well.) But Tobi could only agree. Neither could be left alone for a long period of time without creating chaos.

He hesitated for only an instant before knocking on the door. It was flung open by the jashinist, who looked ready to murder somebody.

"Hello, Hidan-senpai!"

"Fuck off!"

"But Hidan-senpai, you and Kakuzu-senpai promised to come have dinner with everybody else!"

"You know what? Fuck this stupid dinner! We went to a strip joint, so what?"

"Actually, you went to a strip joint. I came to make sure you didn't do anything stupid." Kakuzu pointed out, coming to stand next to his teammate.

"Whatever! It's not illegal, and this dwarf can't use it as blackmail against me."

"Hidan-senpai, if Leader-sama finds out that you went there instead of tracking down the two-tails, he'll be angry. Don't you think?"

Hidan went to attack Tobi, but Kakuzu held him back. "Now, now Hidan. This is just the consequence of your actions. You're going to go down to that dinner and endure it like the man you wish you were."

"And what about you, you fucking asshole?"

"I'm going to stay here of course. I'm not the one who put a twenty in some woman's underwear."

"But Leader-sama doesn't know that, Kakuzu-senpai."

Kakuzu stared at him for a long moment, before letting go of Hidan, "You can kill him now."

But Hidan didn't try to harm him, instead turning to his teammate with a sly grin, "Why Kuzu-chan? Afraid Leader will think you're using the Akatsuki's money on strippers?"

The two men glared at each other, and Tobi broke the tension with his bubbly tone, "Tobi will see you both downstairs soon!" To avoid having their anger turned onto himself, he closed the door to separate them.

Three for three. He did his biggest victory dance yet, proud of his persuasion abilities. With eagerness showing in his every step, he made his way downstairs to the rec room.

Before eating, he would have them sit on some chairs and benches that were in the area surrounding the Christmas tree. He was hoping that they would socialize a little, talk and maybe get to know each other a little bit. But the most he was hoping for was that no destruction would happen to his decorations. He'd worked hard on them.

The first to join him was Zetsu. The plant-like man sat on one of the chairs, and Tobi bounced around him, telling him happily that the others would be joining them soon. Zetsu merely watched him quietly, amused by his joy. His joy only grew as the others began to enter the room. Sasori and Deidara were first, because although neither of them wanted to be there, they were always punctual. Itachi and Kisame weren't long after, both also being punctual people. Hidan and Kakuzu showed up a few minutes later, still arguing with each other.

Tobi told them where to sit, and clearly uneager, they went where they were told to go. Tobi continuously bounced around, his joy obvious to them all.

It was awkward. Even Kakuzu and Hidan had stopped talking, sensing the tense air around them. Nobody uttered a word. Some wandering eyes met, but only briefly. They sat with their hands in their laps, most staring at their feet and praying for the dinner to be over and done with fast. They waited for Tobi to say it was time to eat, so that they could at least get it started.

But he was going to refuse to serve the meal as long as they refused to speak to each other.

It was going to take longer than he'd predicted. He decided to make himself scarce by begining to set up the table, and he was hoping that things might unwind a little without his direct presense. He could have yelled out with joy when Hidan finally spoke up. He was speaking to him.

"It's supposed to be an angel." Hidan said, and Tobi looked at him, his curious expression hidden by his mask.

"What do you mean, Hidan-senpai?"

Hidan pointed to the top of the tree where a star stared down at them, "It's supposed to be an angel." He repeated.

"Oh." Even Tobi didn't know what to say to that.

"What makes you say that?" Kakuzu asked, not really out of interest, but out of need to get rid of the awkward atmosphere that had settled around them.

"My mom always put an angel on the top. She said it was lucky to have an angel looking over you. That's bullshit of course, but it was just how we did it."

"So what happened to mommy?" Kisame asked with a grin on his lips.

Hidan glared at him, "She was killed. By some shinobi that raided our village. She didn't deserve to die."

"So says the masochist." Sasori commented.

"I joined the jashin faith because, yeah, we kill people. But never have I killed somebody innocent. I only kill people who've killed others. Because that's karma for you, bitches."

"If karma really existed, we'd all be dead by now. But believe whatever helps you sleep at night, kid." Kisame said.

"I'm not a kid you fucking sushi!" Hidan snapped back.

"We put an angel there, too." Sasori said to break the argument before it escalated to a boiling point. "My grandmother used to say it watched over me, just like my parents. But of course, as Hidan put it, that's bullshit. People are willing to make children happy by telling them as many lies as it takes. It's pathetic."

"That's just what you have to do though, un. You can't tell a child life sucks and that they have to get used to it. That's as wrong as telling them lies, un."

"Yes, but is it right to give them hopes of what the world could be, but isn't going to be?"

Tobi knew exactly what Sasori meant. Children thought the world was full of glitter, rainbows, and unicorns, but that wasn't the truth of the situation. The world was bland, cold, and cruel. Tobi could tell that the other members understood that all too well, and he was pleased. At least his allies would understand all that he was doing when the time came. They would be proven wrong when he brings peace to the world. Everybody would be proven wrong.

He put the utensils, plates, and glasses on the table, as well as the cold food.

"I was only allowed to make the cranberry sauce." Hidan said, just as he set the said food item on the table, "My mom said I was too impatient to cook anything else."

"I made the turkey. There's no recipe better than mine." Kakuzu said.

"Well, who else could wait around for hours while a hunk of meat with stuff on it cooks?" Hidan said with a roll of his eyes. The old man could sit there and stare at the oven for hours without blinking once. (Not that he'd actually seen him do so.) Hidan thought there were so many other things he could be doing with his life.

"It's not 'stuff', you idiot. It's a well prepared blend of herbs and spices topped with the best juices. Roasting a turkey is an art."

"Cooking isn't an art, un." Deidara scoffed at the comment.

"Have you ever roasted a turkey before?"

"I tried once...But I got annoyed and set it on fire, un."

"You do know that setting it on fire doesn't help it cook faster, right?" Kisame asked, an amused smirk on his lips.

"I know that now, un." Deidara said, annoyed.

"I'll have to taste your turkey someday, Kakuzu." Zetsu could feel himself getting more and more hungry as they continued to talk about food. He knew he wasn't the only one.

"For a small sum, I'd be glad to make one for you."

"If it's as good as you say, I'm willing to pay for it."

"Turkey's good, but the stuffing is what makes it delicious." Sasori said.

"Definitely! The seven swordsmen would meet up for Christmas, and we always found ourselves with more stuffing than turkey on the table. It was always the first thing gone too."

"What did you guys do on Christmas? Compare your swords?" Hidan chuckled, but Kisame didn't appear to notice the innuendo.

"We rough-housed it a little, and we had the most epic snowball fights. People in the village thought we were actually fighting because of the rucus we caused."

Tobi was pleased. They were socializing. They were having a civilized conversation. It was going even better than he'd hoped. They were discussing their personal lives and getting to know each other, and he almost did another happy dance. Almost. (Well his feet did a little jig, but he made sure he was standing behind a counter so they couldn't see them.) But before he could reach complete happiness, Itachi stood up.

Everybody stopped to look at him, and he stepped towards the exit, ignoring their questioning eyes. Tobi refused to let Itachi leave. He bounced over to him, and stood in front of him, his arms shaking in the air in a flustered manner.

"Itachi-senpai! Where are you going? We haven't eaten dinner yet!" He saw Itachi close his eyes in an attempt to keep his anger controlled.

A deep breath later, Itachi opened his eyes to reveal the Sharingan set in a glare, "In the words of the ever-eloquent Hidan-"

"Is he insulting me?"

"Fuck. Off." He said through clenched teeth and left the room before he could be stopped again.

"Woah, Uchiha's gone badass." Hidan was stunned.

Tobi turned to them, his arms still moving in frantic circles, "But-but, why? I thought he was having fun!"

Suddenly Deidara stood up, his visible blue eye in a glare that matched Itachi's own in intensity, "Of course he wasn't you little dipshit! Are you fucking retarded, un? This was the worst idea you've ever had. What the Hell is Christmas to you, un?"

"Christmas is the happiest holiday of the year! It's when family and-"

Deidara cut him off, "Exactly, un! Christmas is about family. And what is it that we're all missing, un?"

"But Akatsuki is a family!" Tobi protested.

Deidara shoved past him, shooting him a look of pure hatred and disgust. He slammed the exit door and stepped angrily up the steps and towards where the rooms were situated. At the moment, he had no desire to be alone, and so his destination was Itachi's room. He may not like him, but at least he seemed to understand what he was feeling.

He pushed open the door and was shocked by what was behind it. Itachi was sitting on the floor, his back against one of the beds, and he had his legs pulled into himself, with his chin resting upon his knees. He lifted his head to glare at the intruder, but said nothing to him. He closed the door behind himself and approached his fellow Akatsuki member.

"...Can I sit here, un?" Deidara pointed to the spot next to Itachi. When he got no reply, he took the silence as a yes. He sat down in the same fashion as he was sitting.

"Why did you leave?" Itachi asked after the silence had elongated.

"Tobi's such an idiot, un. Christmas is about spending time with your family, but nobody here has a family, un! This is the most depressing holiday of the year, and he's rubbing it in our faces, un. It's...It's cruel."

"Yes, it is." Itachi agreed.

"Who are you thinking about, un?" He elaborated after receiving a 'what are you talking about?' look from Itachi, "I mean, are you thinking about your family, un? Or somebody special? 'Cause you look like your thinking about something important."

"Both."

Deidara, upon realizing that Itachi wasn't going to further explain, chose to tell him about the one he was thinking about, "Me too, un. Christmas always makes me think about my little sister. After I stole my village's secret jutsus, I haven't been able to go see her, un. Though the first year after becoming a missing-nin I snuck into my old home and changed the star on top of the tree with a clay one. As soon as they were downstairs on Christmas morning, all drowsy and half-asleep, I set it off, un. Bang! I hadn't seen my sister laugh so hard in years, un."

He saw Itachi's lips curve up slightly and continued to speak, seeing as it was cheering both of them up a little, "She's the only reason I have doubts about what I did, un. I love my art and all, but she was the only person who really appreciated it, un. On Christmas eve, I would spend all day making little paper snowflakes and hanging them all over her room. She loved waking up to it, un. We fought a lot of course, and she was annoying as Hell, but I miss her, un. One of my favourite memories of Christmas was how we used to fight over the stuffing."

Itachi turned to look at him, a bit of surprise hidden in his stoic features, "My little brother and I used to do that too."

"Yeah? After a couple minutes our mom would just take the bowl and split it between the two of us, muttering 'children are so silly' under her breath the entire time. Is that what you mom used to do too, un?"

"Yes." Itachi muttered softly, "She had to do it every time there was stuffing on the table."

Deidara sighed, "I used to love Christmas, now it just sucks, un. I miss my sister so much, but I miss all of it, un. I miss Christmas morning with my parents and my sister, and Christmas dinner with the whole family. I miss celebrating it, un." He put his hands over his eyes and grinned through his sadness, "Please tell me I'm not the only one here who's trying not to cry, un."

Itachi chose to be nice and admitted the truth, "You're not."

"Good, un." Deidara sniffled softly, and he removed his hands from over his eyes to reveal some tears. He glared at Itachi half-heartedly, "Just so you know, I still don't like you, un." He stated, hardly convincing.

Itachi said nothing. Tired and sad, Deidara pushed aside his fear and hatred of Itachi and allowed himself to use his shoulder as a pillow wether or not Itachi was okay with it. Still choosing to be nice, he let it be.

"Merry Christmas, Itachi."

"Merry Christmas, Deidara."

**OoOoO**

"Seems like everybody's here for Christmas."

"The rest of the Akatsuki?"

"Yes. They're all at the hotel. With Madara. I wonder what he has planned."

"That explains why he asked us where we were going to be on Christmas. Do you think we should go see what's going on?"

"He clearly didn't want us there..."

"But?"

"But he should have told us what he was planning. And I want to know how he got all of them in one place. Musn't have been easy."

"Surely not."

"I suppose our time here is over then. Let's go."

Pein turned his back to the pile of flowers that was a part of his and Konan's sanctuary. He stared at the white columns momentarily, before reverting his gaze to the path ahead of him. Intruding on whatever Madara was doing with the rest of the Akatsuki members might prove to be a mistake, but his curiosity to know what was going on surpassed his doubts.

"Do you know what they've done for Christmas before this year? I've always believed that they remained by themselves." Konan asked into the silence.

"For as long as I can remember Christmas has always been a day like any other. They woke up, they worked, they ate, they went to sleep. Nothing special."

"A day like any other. Why has it become like this, Nagato?"

"Life is filled with bumps and curves, and our lives went in this direction. There is...Nothing we can do to change that fact. We must accept the present and work with it. If that means putting aside the holidays, even Christmas, then that's what we must do."

"If it truly is what we must do...It will not stop me from wishing you a Merry Christmas, Nagato."

"We've never celebrated Christmas. Why the sudden desire to?"

"We have celebrated Christmas. Don't you remember? When we were training under Jiraiya, we celebrated the holiday together. Like a family."

"Konan."

"I know. It's too late for that. I'd chosen to join you through all of this because I'd thought it was the right thing to do. I still do, but...I'm sorry. Christmas always gets me feeling like this. It's just that time of year where I can't help thinking back, wondering about the 'what if?'s. You know I'll follow you no matter what happens. My loyalty lies with you, and it always will."

"You've always wanted a family. I know you have. I know I'm the reason you don't have one, and I apologize for that, but I have always given you the chance to part from me. To go make a family and live the domestic life that you desire."

"It would be too much like running away. I love you, Nagato. You're my family. And although this isn't quite the way I'd envisioned my life planning out, I don't regret the choices I've made. I agreed to help you, and I will. Abandoning you to pursue my own selfish desires would be unforgivable."

"You forget that your sentiments for me are reciprocated. If you wish to leave, the door is always open for you. Like you said, we are family. I want nothing more than for you to be happy."

Konan smiled, stepped forward, and hugged him briefly. "Come, let's go see what Madara's up to." She began to walk away, but Pein stopped her.

"Konan?"

"Yes?"

"Merry Christmas."

**OoOoO**

"Tobi didn't mean to upset them."

"They're big boys Tobi, they'll be fine." Kisame reassured him.

"See? This is why I hate this stupid christian holiday. It always causes too much fuss." Hidan said.

"Or is it because you miss your mommy?" Kisame asked.

"Leave my mom out of this you asshole!"

"Tobi, can you finish what you were doing? The sooner this is finished the better." Kakuzu said, bringing Tobi out of his semi-sad state.

"Yes, Kakuzu-senpai." Tobi returned to the kitchen area and continued to take out the food. He began to warm up what needed to be heated. He was thankful that he'd done all of the cooking the day before. It saved him a lot of time. Christmas day was about time spent together as a family, and not about how much time spent in the kitchen.

"Following the Jashin...faith, if it could be called as such, are you even supposed to celebrate Christmas?" Sasori asked, almost sounding interested in the answer.

"The Jashin faith is about handing the blood of the damned to Him, not about silly holidays. And certainly not about such commercialized holidays. The birth of a saviour, a king, God's son, has been forgotten because people's needs of the now overcome their needs of the future. They're all damned, that's what I say. That's what I _know_."

"Woah, since when are you a fortune teller?"

"Don't be dumb, you fucking sushi. You know nothing about religion! You atheist." The way Hidan said it made it sound like the most insulting name to be called.

"There's nothing wrong with not believing in something, if that were the case. As it is, I doubt Kisame's an atheist as he just stated that he celebrates Christmas. None of us are atheist. Why else would we be here?" Sasori spoke calmly, somehow managing to keep the touchy topic from getting too offensive. Or keeping the people from getting offended.

"Because the little midgest forced us to come?"

"Partially yes, but Tobi wouldn't have made you come if he knew you didn't believe. In God, his son, or even Jashin. There would have been no point in it. Have you not noticed the absence of our Leader and his second in command?"

"They must have better things to do with their time."

"Leader seems to believe he's God, and that's good for him. Everybody has to believe in something. It's part of the human nature to need to trust blindly. As awful as that idea is."

"Nobody has to believe! Nobody can make me do anything, especially believe in something that makes no fucking sense!"

"So says the dumbass who got dragged to an abandoned hotel by a midget to spend Christmas with people he doesn't like. Not like you _like_ anyone, but still." Kakuzu commented dryly, and Hidan shot him a nasty glare.

"Fuck you."

"You're forgetting about his mommy. He seems to like her."

Hidan, having grown tired of the constant jabs at his mother by the blue-skinned man, finally snapped. As fast as all shinobi, as fast as one of the best shinobi, he grabbed his scythe and sent it flying. Kisame easily dodged it and took hold of his own weapon. The two blades, one curved and skilled in beheading, the other with bandages to cover the sharp scales meant to suck out chakra, met in the middle of the rec room.

Tobi could feel his Christmas spirit dwindling little by little as the seconds ticked by and the two men continued to glare at each other, their blades still firmly pushing against one another. Everything he'd done to make the day special wasn't working, and it didn't help that the Akatsuki members were being uncooperative. How could he make them believe in the power of Christmas, if they refused to acknowledge the beauty of the holiday?

Maybe they weren't meant to celebrate Christmas. Maybe the beauty of Christmas was only meant to be seen and felt by those who were good. _Pure_, not good. Tobi knew he was good. He wanted to bring peace to the world, but he wasn't considered one of the best shinobi to ever be born for no reason. He knew that killing wasn't pure. It was debatable wether it was good or bad, but there was no question as to the impurity of the action.

Somehow, the thought hurt. They were criminals, the bad guys, the antagonists, but did that really mean that they couldn't have just one day to be happy?

"Kisame, Hidan, calm yourselves. This isn't the time to be fighting." Sasori interrupted them, and his ever-calm expression fixed onto Kakuzu, quietly asking for some backup. Tobi's spirit slowly returned. Maybe there was some hope after all...

"As entertaining as this is, he's right. Hidan, you go help Tobi set up the meal and Kisame, you come with me." Kakuzu stood up, along with Sasori, and they separated the two men. The glares remained, but the weapons were lowered.

"I don't want to help set up this fucking meal!"

"That's not up for discussion Hidan." Sasori took hold of his upper arm and pushed him in the direction of the kitchen, "If I help will you stop being so whiny?"

"I don't need your help."

Sasori said nothing and continued to lead him towards Tobi, who clapped excitedly. He thanked them for the help and set them up with a task. If it would keep them from killing each other, it was enough.

"Where do you want to go?" Kisame asked Kakuzu, who began to make his way out of the rec room.

"We're going to get the kids."

"...The kids?" Kisame had no clue what Kakuzu was talking about, but followed him none the less. Tobi didn't even look in their direction. He knew what they were doing, and hoped they'd be successful.

"Itachi and Deidara."

Kisame looked at him like he'd grown a second head, "They aren't kids. I have doubts about Deidara... But Itachi isn't."

"When you get to my age everyones considered a kid... But you should see it that way too. If you haven't noticed, they're the only ones here who are still in their teens. Besides my idiot of a partner, the rest of us are all over thirty."

"I suppose they _are_ young..."

They fell into silence, the only sound their steps echoing in the halls. Kisame had a feeling the two boys would be in his and Itachi's shared room, and he guided Kakuzu there. He stopped in front of the door and knocked, earning himself an odd look (the same he'd given Kakuzu just moments earlier).

"You knock?"

"Itachi's big on manners and all that crap."

To Kakuzu, it seemed beyond bizarre that Kisame knew that, and even weirder that he cared enough to take action about the knowledge.

"Come in." The voice was much more relaxed than it had been the last time the two men heard it, so they figured Itachi was in a better mood.

They opened the door and entered the room quietly. Itachi was seated on his bed, curled up with a book on his lap and the lamp on the nightstand turned on. Deidara was laying next to him on his back, chatting animatedly about something. Both stopped their activities and looked at them, the blond pushing himself into a seated position to see them properly.

"We're not going back, un." Deidara said before they could utter a word.

"Too bad, brat. It's not an option."

"Like Hell it isn't, un." He seethed angrily, "I have no reason to be there, un!"

"It'll be easier if you just cooperate, Deidara. Once the dinner is over you're free to leave."

"Sorry old man, but I'm not going, un." The blonde huffed and lay back down. He stretched his arms over his head then lay on his side, curled into himself like a kitten, his back to Itachi. Itachi had his eyes back on his open book, reading quietly while they argued pointlessly.

"Itachi, you'll be-" Kakuzu began, but Kisame stopped him.

"Wait, let him finish his paragraph." He whispered to the other man who once again looked at him strangely. Kisame didn't notice, keeping his gaze on his teammate while patiently waiting for him to finish what he was reading.

A few seconds of silence passed before Itachi slowly reached down to his side, picked up his bookmark, and placed it between the pages. He closed his book and set it on his nightstand, then met his teammate's gaze.

"Are you coming?" Kisame asked him.

Itachi looked down at the boy by his side momentarily before once more locking his eyes onto his teammates. He nodded slowly, "We'll be there in two minutes."

Deidara sat up abruptly and looked wide-eyed at his companion, "What?"

"Alright, you two can meet us there."

Kisame didn't want to be there while the two argued, or while Deidara yelled at Itachi who would take it calmly before somehow convincing the blonde that he wanted to go to the dinner. If Itachi was anything, it was persuasive. On the other hand, if the blonde was anything, it was stubborn. Itachi would have his work cut out for him, but Kisame took him on his word. Two minutes is all it should take.

He and Kakuzu left the room, closing the door silently behind them. As they walked, Kisame asked the other man with a crooked grin, "So, Kakuzu, what do you usually do on Christmas?"

"I was never a big fan of the holiday. I'd make a special meal, but it never went beyond that."

"What about your family?"

"Most of my family has passed away, and those that haven't, I haven't seen since I left my village."

"I suppose that's just how things work out. But hey, at least you have your Akatsuki family." Kisame sent him a grin which was slightly mocking, but also slightly truthful.

"Do you really believe what that idiot says?"

"Which idiot? We seem to have a lot of those."

"Tobi. Do you really think that the Akatsuki is a family?"

"Nah, not really. It's not a family, more like a place for misfit toys."

"You're right about that."

Another moment of silence passed before Kisame once again grinned at the other man, "Merry Christmas, Kakuzu." The adressed looked at him strangely for the upteenth time that day, and Kisame chuckled softly, "I figured your partner hadn't bothered to say it to you, so I figured I might as well."

It didn't show on his face (not like it would with the mask covering most of it), but he was surprised, and somewhat touched by the thought, "Oh. Well, Merry Christmas to you too, Kisame."

**OoOoO**

With most of the members gone, Tobi decided the only way to get some cheer back (or at all) in there was to put on some good Christmas music. With _Sleigh Bells_ playing in the background, he, along with Sasori and Hidan, had the table set up and ready for dinner. The silverware was sparkling on either side of the plates, most of the food already arranged on the table. The table was long enough, with chairs to spare.

It looked beautiful. It was beautiful.

None of them looked at the front door as it opened and closed, expecting some of the other members to be returning, but the voice that spoke was not one any of them expected to hear that day. Especially not Tobi.

"What's going on here?" The dully interested tone of their Leader echoed in the room, louder than the music but not by force. It was authorative and could have been heard above the noise of an explosion if need be. It was clear, precise, and it demanded attention. It reminded Tobi of himself. Of most of the Akatsuki members actually.

He whirled around to face Pein, "Leader-sama!" He exclaimed, although cursing inside. They weren't supposed to be there. They would ruin everything...

"Is this... A Christmas dinner?" Konan asked, making both Sasori and Hidan stare at her. She rarely spoke, hearing her voice was usually because she was angry at them for not doing their job properly. To ask such a question, with a tone that although was blank, they all knew meant she was hoping for a yes, was different, but nice.

"Yes, Tobi has prepared a Christmas dinner for the Akatsuki members!"

"I see..." Pein and Konan shared a look.

"Tobi would have invited you, but he though you wouldn't want to come...But there are chairs for you, if you want to stay and eat with us." He hadn't considered inviting them at all. Surely they wouldn't see the brilliance in his idea, but the look they had shared made him think that maybe he'd been wrong in his assumption.

"I think there's enough food here to feed an army, if you choose to stay, you're more than welcome." Sasori added, setting another couple dishes on the table.

"I...Suppose we can stay for dinner." Pein said hesitantly. He wanted to stay, because the thought just seemed right, but the effect it may have on his image could be disastrous. Looking at Madara, hiding behind the mask of Tobi, made him realize that maybe it would be okay. Maybe it was alright to have Christmas dinner together.

"Great! Tobi will set up your places!" He skipped away, humming along to the Christmas music still playing in the background.

Pein and Konan stood there awkwardly for a moment, unsure what to do. Thankfully, they were distracted by the door being opened and closed. Everybody turned to see Kisame and Hidan enter the rec room.

"Where are the other two?" Sasori asked.

"They'll be here soon. Ehm...Why are they here?" Kisame was none too subtle, but neither Pein or Konan were offended. They knew they hadn't been expected to be there and their presence was surely a surprise.

"We'll be dinning with you tonight." Pein replied.

"The table is set! It's time for everyone to sit down!" Tobi exclaimed, approaching them.

Tobi instructed them to their seats, bouncing around. Itachi and Deidara weren't long after, both looking calmed compared to earlier, and he told them where to sit. Before taking his own seat, he went to the kitchen and came back with a large knife. He handed it to Pein, seated at the far end of the table, who waited for an explanation. Tobi pushed the turkey towards him.

"You have to carve the turkey."

"Oh..." He'd never done it before, but he imagined that it wouldn't be too hard.

While he began his work on the turkey, the rest of them began filling their plates with other items. They chatted lightly between each other, the clinking of silverware a gentle lullaby to go along with the music. The smell of the dinner wafted through the air, invading their senses and making them all hungrier than they thought they were.

It was nice. Almost like a real family.

The food was delicious and it was clear that Tobi had done his very best to make it a good meal. The decorations were beautiful and everyone was in a good mood. Tobi hadn't expected it to go so well, but once the dinner began, past conflicts seemed to disappear and it was as if everybody was on good terms with each other. Where there used to be hatred, there was a kind of mutual camaraderie. If it would last, he didn't know, but for now, it didn't matter.

Konan noticed the two kids, as Kakuzu considered them and she did too, staring at the half-empty bowl of stuffing on the table. She smiled lightly at the normal child-like behaviour. Somewhere within her heart she felt her motherly instincts kick in, in a way they never had before. In a way she never thought she'd get to feel. Without thinking it over first, she leant forward and took the bowl in her hands.

With the spoon in the bowl she separated its contents between the two boys, both of whom stared at her with unreadable expressions on their faces. It was normal for Itachi, but Deidara was usually quite expressive.

Hidan snorted quite unappealingly, "You shouldn't spoil them so much. They'll wind up getting bratty and demanding."

"Oh, shut up, Hidan." Sasori said boredly, "Neither of them will ever be as bratty as you are."

Itachi and Deidara shared a small smile, but remained quiet.

"I am not bratty!" Hidan protested.

Sasori stared at him calmly, "Merry Christmas, brat."

"Fuck you puppet-boy!"

"Close enough."

"Ah, damn you. Merry Christmas to all you fuckheads." Hidan lifted his glass of wine to toast them, and Sasori merely shook his head.

It was going to be as good as they were going to get.

* * *

><p>AN : Dang, this was long to write. I hope you enjoyed it! This was my attempt at making an Akatsuki Christmas piece. I hope I didn't offend anybody! Thank you for reading!<p>

Merry Christmas and happy new year!  
>-MewMew<p> 


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